B-Movie Celebration 2008

Director: Dan Milner. Tod Andrews, Tina Carver, Linda Watkins, John McNamara, Gregg Palmer, Robert Swan A South Seas prince is wrongfully accused and executed. He returns as a killer tree named after a native spirit Tabonga. It’s up to two American scientists, one man and one woman, to save the day. Leonard Maltin says: “As walking tree movies go, this is at the top of the list.” I think he was being sarcastic.

Director: Bruce D. Clark. Producers: Roger Corman and Mary Ann Fisher. Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston, Bernard Behrens, Zalman King, Robert Englund, Taaffe O’Connell, Sid Haig. A group of astronauts are being k Galaxy of Terror illed off one by one by monsters while on a mission to aid a marooned spaceship. One of two films Roger Corman made to take advantage of the success of “Alien.”

Director: Eugene Lourie. Gene Adams, Andre Morell, John Turner, Leigh Madison, Jack MacGowran. A giant radioactive dinosaur attacks England, eventually wreaking havoc on London. The animation effects are by the legendary Willis O’Brien (“The Lost World” (1925), “King Kong” (1933)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away -- well, in an abandoned French laundry in San Francisco in 1977 -- a group of rebel filmmakers equipped with only a well-stocked toolshed and a super-8 camera set out to spoof what was becoming the greatest fantasy-film franchise of all time. The resulting parody was a short film called "Hardware Wars," and it stuck it to "Star Wars" in every way possible (or at least in every way that was possible in 12 minutes of running time on next to no budget). Steam irons and toasters suspended by clearly visible strings were the spaceships, a basketball was a planet on the brink of destruction, and the robot Artie Decko was a defunct vacuum cleaner. As George Lucas touts the digital back lot on which his current "Clone Wars" trilogy is being made, "Hardware Wars" only becomes more poignant. With its release on DVD, this "sprawling space saga of romance, rebellion and household appliances" has returned to remind us just how funny crumpled tinfoil can really be. "Hardware Wars" was the brainchild of writer-director Ernie Fosselius, who already had an array of satirical short subjects under his belt. The most notable of those was "The Hindenburger," which depicted a flying Big Mac bursting into flames over a cardboard New Jersey while a spastic radio announcer (Fosselius) shamelessly decried "the humanity of it all." Documentary filmmaker and author Michael Wiese got behind "Hardware Wars" as its producer. "I used to hold these shadow-play parties in my loft," Wiese recalls while taking a break from scouting locations in Indonesia for an upcoming film. "One evening Ernie came over and performed an impromptu shadow play of 'Jaws,' which he just made up on the spot. He was hilarious. "We had both already made a handful of short films," Wiese continues, "so we talked about doing a film together. At a Chinese restaurant, while waving the condiments and chopsticks over his head like spaceships, Ernie pitched me a parody of Hollywood coming attractions that would take on big-budget special-effects movies. He said we could use household appliances for spaceships. Always one to stretch a dollar, I saw a great opportunity for doing more with less." With an $8,000 budget supplied by Laurel Polanick (who was also the film's costume designer), "Hardware Wars" was shot in four days in bars, beaches and garages around the San Francisco Bay Area. Surprisingly, production was started only a short time after "Star Wars" was released. Although single-screen theaters across the country had lines wrapping around the block to see the science-fiction spectacular, nobody in the "Hardware Wars" cast was aware that they were poking fun at what would soon become an enduring cultural icon. "I had no idea what Ernie was talking about," Scott Mathews says after a mix-down session at his Mill Valley, Calif., recording studio. "I'm just starting to get it now." Mathews donned a lopsided blond wig for the starring role of Fluke Starbucker. Today he is a platinum-selling record producer who has worked with everyone from Barbra Streisand to John Lee Hooker and even an Oakland indie rock band named for his "Hardware Wars" character. "I think a lot of the charm of that movie is the fact that we didn't really know what we were doing," Mathews adds. "It was cinéma vérité at its finest. I'm sitting there spaced out and cracking up in some of those scenes." Cindy Freeling, who played Princess Anne-Droid with cinnamon rolls attached to her head, was equally oblivious to the "Star Wars" phenomenon. "I was in an altered state when I saw 'Star Wars' for the first time," she confesses. "It was the '70s, you know. When I went back and saw 'Star Wars Special Edition,' it dawned on me why we had all of this stuff in 'Hardware Wars.'" From its cardboard sets to the costumes, "Hardware Wars" is an amazing facsimile of its source material, despite obvious budget and time constraints. Fluke, the Princess, Oggie Ben Doggie and Ham Salad all look like slightly off-kilter versions of their "Star Wars" counterparts. "One hundred percent of any of that effect goes to Ernie and his direction," Mathews says. Another coup for Fosselius was getting veteran voice actor Paul Frees to perform the film's "coming attractions"-style narration. Frees' deep tones can be heard in such film classics as "Some Like It Hot" and the original "Time Machine" as well as a plethora of cartoons, commercials and movie trailers. Producer Wiese still feels the impact that Hollywood's "Man of a Thousand Voices" had on their short: "His voice is so rich that you actually think you are seeing 'incredible space battles' when in fact it's only a Fourth of July sparkler." After "Hardware Wars" was released, it became the same kind of success in the short-film market that "Star Wars" was among major motion pictures. In 1978, the little movie grossed $500,000, placing it among the most successful shorts of all time. Over the years the usually litigious Lucas has actually expressed his enjoyment of "Hardware Wars," calling it a "cute little film." It's the only non-Lucasfilm product to be sold in Star Wars Insider magazine. The short enjoys the same semi-endorsed status as the subsequent subgenre of homemade "fan films" to which Lucas has recently given the nod, even hosting a Sci-Fi Channel special about them. Fosselius' space-toaster epic, with its gutsy, zero-budget approach, is probably just as much an inspiration for many of these Jedi-addled amateur filmmakers as Lucas' two trilogies.

Directed by Jim Wynorski, David McCallum , Nicole Eggert , Christopher Halsted A witch is put to death in Colonial America, leaving her husband and infant daughter behind. Seventeen years later, the daughter has grown up and stands to inherit money set up by her mother's family. Now that the stage is set, the mother wants to return to life by taking over her daughter's body. I still cannot bring myself to utter that name.

Director: Arthur Lubin. Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Richard Carlson, Joan Davis, Mischa Auer, Evelyn Ankers, Marc Lawrence, Shemp Howard, Ted Lewis, The Andrews Sisters Abbott and Costello inherit a house that happens to be haunted. The boys fourth feature film shows them to be in high spirits backed by a game casts. Be sure not to miss the moving candle routine and get ready to chuckle when Costello does an off-the-wall waltz with Joan Davis.

Directors: Joe Dante, Allan Arkush. Candice Rialson, Mary Woronov, Rita George, Jeffrey Kramer, Dick Miller, Paul Bartel. A would-be actress goes to work for some schlock filmmakers. This film is notable for being one of the few times Hollywood B-filmmakers satirize themselves. Director Paul Bartel, acting only this time, plays a motivation-minded director.

Director: Steve Miner. William Katt, George Wendt, Richard Moll, Kay Lenz, Michael Ensign, Susan French, Mary Stavin. A horror novelist, plagued by his wife’s impending divorce, his son’s disappearance and Vietnam flashbacks, moves into the Victorian home where his aunt hanged herself. Needless to say, he gets more than he bargained for. Directed by a veteran of the “Friday The 13th Series,” this one led to several sequels.

“Invaders from Mars” (1953) Director: William Cameron Menzies. Helena Carter, Arthur Franz, Jimmy Hunt, Leif Erickson, Hillary Brooke, Bert Freed. A little boy sees the takeover of his town by aliens from another world, but nobody will believe him. Director Menzies (“Things To Come” (1936) is better known as a set designer, but he also designed the aliens here too.